Example 1

Interesting and exciting paragraphs

 

Good

            I was about to wet my pants.  This will be the greatest game in the history of basketball.  I was going to show those Diamond Dogs what happens when they mess with Bobby Knight.  They would be sorry after not choosing me to be on their team.  Tonight I will show them they were wrong.

 

Bad

            I was excited.  This was going to be a really fun game.  I was going to beet those Diamond Dogs.  They would not like it if I played really well because they didn’t pick me to be on their team.  Tonight I will play really well so they will be sorry.

 

Example 2

Opening paragraphs

 

Good

            I am not your normal sixth grader.  Actually, I’m not your normal human being either.  Don’t worry, I’m still human.  My name is Steve Francis.  My other name is Freak the Geek.  I’m not what you’d call the popular kind.  My parents don’t even like me.  I’ve moved over five times in my eleven-year life.  My parents have finally decided to settle in a town called Montgomery, Alabama.  Being born in Maine, I’ve never even heard of Montgomery.  Anyway, this is my story.

 

Bad

            I am not an average kid.  I’m not your normal human.  I’m still a human though.  My name is Steve Francis, or Freak the Geek.  I’m not popular at all.  My parents hate me.  I’ve moved five times in my life.  We are settled in Alabama right now.  I was born in Maine so I don’t know what Montgomery is.  This is my story.

 

Example 3

Run-on sentences

 

Good

I love to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  They are extremely good.  The peanut butter and the jelly smashed between two pieces of bread.

 

Bad

I love to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because it is extremely good with the peanut butter and the jelly between two pieces of bread.

 

Example 4

Different words to use     

 

Good

“This is a great way to help people in need,” she exclaimed.

 

Bad

“This is a good way to help the poor,” she said.

 

Example 5

Humor

You can use humor in your story, but do not make it insulting to a real person.  You could get in big trouble for insulting someone.

 

Good

            “You’re going to win!” Jake exclaimed.  Terry rolled his eyes.

            “Yeah,” he said, “when pigs fly!”

Bad

            “You’re going to win!” Jake exclaimed.  Terry rolled his eyes.

            “Yeah,” he said, “and George Bush is a good president.” 

 

Example 6

Reviews

 

Reviews are on the last page or back of the book.  Organize it so the reader will want to read your story.  Do not say, “I wrote the book . . .” or “My book is . . .”

 

Good

            Flying Away is a book about a young prince named Leon.  He is abducted and held for ransom by an evil villain.  Leon learns that he is no ordinary person, nor ordinary prince.  What happens to Leon?  Why is he different?  Find out in Flying Away.

 

Bad

            The book I wrote is Flying Away.  Leon is a prince that gets abducted.  He is held for money by a bad person.  Leon learns about himself.  Does Leon die?  Find out in my book.

 

Example 7

Opening sentences

 

Good

            My name is Carl Dell.   I live in . . .

            Yuck. Cold soup . . . (start the story when in the middle of a problem or something that character doesn’t like)

Bad

            Once upon a time . . . (Unless it is a fairy tale)

            Hi.  I’m . . .